Stop hanging out with girls and start dating

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Often, successfully asking a woman out comes down to that unquantifiable thing: mojo. That said, there are a few guidelines that can increase your odds of success when asking a woman out on a date: Don’t get too many steps ahead of yourself.

You should be focusing on the moment and not flashing forward in your mind to a movie-montage of the love affair you’re going to have.

I’m pretty sure you’re not even aware of what you’re doing or why it bothers me. Of course I’m “interested” in “hanging out” “sometime.” That is why I am talking to you. I do get asked on dates by men, actually, and it works amazingly well. I know whether to have cash on hand to get home or to ask someone to pick me up or to ask to stay at a friend’s place. And if I can do it — and I have done it — you can, too.

It’s come up a couple of times recently and it’s gotten so irritating that I finally have to say something about it. I have been emailing, text messaging, IMing, and even talking on the phone. Generally speaking, I think men are intimidated by women who do the pursuing/asking out, though, so I do it on a case-by-case basis. There’s a 99.097 percent chance I am going to say “yes.” Please, just ask me out on a freaking date.

I have something I would like to talk to you about. Don’t ask me if I’m free “sometime” on Friday night and say you’ll get in touch that night to “see what’s up.” Don’t ask me if I’m “interested in getting a drink sometime.” I have been talking to you, haven’t I? Do I seem like a raging nutjob that’s going to turn you down in a way that humiliates you in front of your friends, your boss, your extended family and national television? Are you really so afraid to ask me out for a cup of coffee at Starbucks and risk a .003 percent chance of rejection that you just won’t do it? My gender has nothing to do with my frustration here: it’s 2011 and I am not Suzy Homemaker from 1952 who follows rigid gender roles to a T (although I do confess to enjoying more traditional men).

I am not doing it for my health, because I have nothing better to do with my time, or because you’re so goddamned interesting that I can’t resist your witty banter over gchat. I said this before but it bears repeating: I don’t want to “hang out” with you. I hang out on my friends’ couches and thumb through magazines while we gossip with each other. And while we’re on the subject of not “hanging out,” don’t ask me to come meet your friends at a bar, either. When I am asked out on dates with days of the week and times and places, I know the man is interested in getting to know me enough to actually put some thought into planning what we are going to do, that I’m not just casually “hanging out” with him and his friends. I know whether to get a manicure or do a face mask beforehand.

Here are a few tips to get you moving in the right direction.

Deep in the civil war torn island of the Philippines known as Mindanao, in the town of Cagayan de Oro.

But exactly how do you find out without asking him outright and getting a look like you’ve just asked him to marry you?

Figuring out what is going on in a guy’s mind in the first few weeks of dating would really help a woman feel more assured, knowing that she is in control of the situation.

It’s like if you went to a car lot and the salesperson said, “Hey, do you want to buy a car…from ME? ” When asking a woman out, it’s better to think one date at a time.

This isn’t a commitment to “go steady,” this is you getting to know each other better a couple hours at a time.

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